Feeling Phony
What the F*CK do I think I'm doing making a change like this at my age (at this writing, almost 60)?
With this body: out of shape, overweight, big tummy, double chin, balding, round face, husky frame, big hands, big feet.
I really struggle with a sense of futility (not to say absurdity).
I also frankly feel like a poseur: no matter what I do, I'll never "really" be a woman.
And I feel stuck in the middle between cis-women and the younger transwomen I've been encountering who grew up with (even lived) this as more of a viable option, seem to know who they are already, and aren't so intimidated by all the cultural/environmental baggage.
Gad they are so fierce and self-assured. I feel so inadequate sometimes.
I really struggle with a sense of futility (not to say absurdity).
I also frankly feel like a poseur: no matter what I do, I'll never "really" be a woman.
And I feel stuck in the middle between cis-women and the younger transwomen I've been encountering who grew up with (even lived) this as more of a viable option, seem to know who they are already, and aren't so intimidated by all the cultural/environmental baggage.
Gad they are so fierce and self-assured. I feel so inadequate sometimes.
I'm a 43 years cis woman. Honestly, all us ladies have soooo many insecurities. Having gal pals that build you up eventually takes hold.
ReplyDelete"Met" you on FB, and I have to say your face is entirely too feminine for me to see you the way you felt when you wrote this.