So, how did I get here?
Well, I just clicked on www.blogger.com and... ;-)
But seriously folks. I've always known I was a bit different.
Unlike some transwomen I've read about, maybe even the iconic experience of being trans, I can't say I always felt like I was a girl.
I didn't want to be a princess as a child, I didn't insist to my family that I'd been misgendered. Nonetheless there were a lot of "signs" that something was...amiss? (or maybe I was "a miss" :-p)
Some points of interest, in no particular order; though roughly chronological:
I recall our housekeeper when I was very young (3-4 years old) saying to me she wished I had been a girl so she could dress me up pretty.
I recall at various times asking my mom or grandma why certain garments, toys, and activities were "forbidden" to boys thinking it was unfair or incomprehensible. Later on my mom was reasonably accommodating when I wanted "inappropriate" toys. Much to the dismay of some of her partners at the time.
I had an ongoing fascination with anything around gender ambiguity, cross dressing, stories of boy to girl transformation. Various media that depicted such things intrigued me: the movie Some Like it Hot, there was a short lived sitcom in the 60s about a cross dresser The Ugliest Girl in Town, cross dressing comedians (Milton Berle, Flip Wilson, Bugs Bunny).
I recall as a child a time when a well known female impersonator was going to perform on Ed Sullivan, but was going to be on after my bedtime. I was so distraught that I was not allowed to stay up and see "her". I recall asking my mom the next day in some embarrassment about the performance.
I recall reading the Norse myths and being wildly and strangely stimulated by the story of Loki's transforming himself into a mare to distract the giant's horse to prevent him from completing the wall around Asgard on time. That Loki became pregnant and bore Sleipnir, was just icing on the cake.
I recall coming across an ad for a transvestite club in New Orleans when I was a kid and being so fascinated by how womanly the performers looked in the photos.
Generally I never felt very "boyish"; I was not particularly athletic, didn't like sports or most physical activities. I didn't much want to engage in typical rough housing or dangerous boy behaviors. It's unclear to me at this point how much of that was innate vs. learned from my fearful and emotionally clingy single mom. She encouraged me to stay quiet, entertain myself, and not stray too far away.
I was also smart and chubby, so I had many strikes against me in the "boy" department. In that sense I was a pretty traditional "sissy" and was bullied pretty regularly. Later on that turned into accusations of homosexual tendencies.
As a teenager I recall finding some ads in the back of some men's magazines for cross dressing products and longing to have some of them, breast forms in particular.
I dabbled a bit in cross dressing (mostly with my mother's garments) as a late pre-teen and young teenager; a practice I largely abandoned until very recently.
One huge revelation came for me, I guess it was sometime around 1975, when Hustler magazine printed a nude pictorial of a transwoman.
I guess that gets me through childhood and adolescence; is that enough "evidence" to support my claim of being trans? Who decides these things?
Unlike some transwomen I've read about, maybe even the iconic experience of being trans, I can't say I always felt like I was a girl.
I didn't want to be a princess as a child, I didn't insist to my family that I'd been misgendered. Nonetheless there were a lot of "signs" that something was...amiss? (or maybe I was "a miss" :-p)
Some points of interest, in no particular order; though roughly chronological:
I recall our housekeeper when I was very young (3-4 years old) saying to me she wished I had been a girl so she could dress me up pretty.
I recall at various times asking my mom or grandma why certain garments, toys, and activities were "forbidden" to boys thinking it was unfair or incomprehensible. Later on my mom was reasonably accommodating when I wanted "inappropriate" toys. Much to the dismay of some of her partners at the time.
I had an ongoing fascination with anything around gender ambiguity, cross dressing, stories of boy to girl transformation. Various media that depicted such things intrigued me: the movie Some Like it Hot, there was a short lived sitcom in the 60s about a cross dresser The Ugliest Girl in Town, cross dressing comedians (Milton Berle, Flip Wilson, Bugs Bunny).
I recall as a child a time when a well known female impersonator was going to perform on Ed Sullivan, but was going to be on after my bedtime. I was so distraught that I was not allowed to stay up and see "her". I recall asking my mom the next day in some embarrassment about the performance.
I recall reading the Norse myths and being wildly and strangely stimulated by the story of Loki's transforming himself into a mare to distract the giant's horse to prevent him from completing the wall around Asgard on time. That Loki became pregnant and bore Sleipnir, was just icing on the cake.
I recall coming across an ad for a transvestite club in New Orleans when I was a kid and being so fascinated by how womanly the performers looked in the photos.
Generally I never felt very "boyish"; I was not particularly athletic, didn't like sports or most physical activities. I didn't much want to engage in typical rough housing or dangerous boy behaviors. It's unclear to me at this point how much of that was innate vs. learned from my fearful and emotionally clingy single mom. She encouraged me to stay quiet, entertain myself, and not stray too far away.
I was also smart and chubby, so I had many strikes against me in the "boy" department. In that sense I was a pretty traditional "sissy" and was bullied pretty regularly. Later on that turned into accusations of homosexual tendencies.
I dabbled a bit in cross dressing (mostly with my mother's garments) as a late pre-teen and young teenager; a practice I largely abandoned until very recently.
One huge revelation came for me, I guess it was sometime around 1975, when Hustler magazine printed a nude pictorial of a transwoman.
I guess that gets me through childhood and adolescence; is that enough "evidence" to support my claim of being trans? Who decides these things?
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